Use your Fist, and not your Mouth.

I thought about writing in my Tumblr tonight for the past few hours… about what, I had no idea, but I just felt like it.

But now, I don’t really want to.

One, cause I still don’t know what to write about.

Two, I’m getting over a cold and I’m still getting all the coughs out, and I’m pretty sure if I got upset writing, I’d end up coughing more.

And three, despite my urge to write, I haven’t really felt like talking about anything. Not even really privately to friends. I’m sure I brought subjects up, but they probably didn’t get far. If they did, then I really am losing my mind, cause I have no recollection of it. Any ways, I might write in here again soon, but at the moment I don’t really feel bringing other people down with what it’s in my head.

It’s not so much that I don’t want to bother people (well, okay that’s part of it), but mostly because I’ve understood for a long time now that my problems are bigger than my friends, and they can only do so much. And at this point, I feel I just need to keep my mouth shut, and do it all myself. I guess I only feel that way because I don’t know how to talk to my friends without coming off as “Please fix my problem” when both they and I know that’s not what I’m asking. And more often than not, if I get upset enough, I get really nasty. So would you put up with that? Probably not, so why should they? I’m sort of at a point where if I’m going to be miserable then no one needs to hear about it. My friends should be happy, and I don’t want to be the one to bring them down. I’m almost at a point where if I’m miserable, I just need to lock myself in a room and isolate myself from everyone, even if it doesn’t make me feel better, but at least they won’t have to deal with me.

I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen when I end up living alone. 

I haven’t crossed that bridge yet, but God knows I’ve thought about what’s going to happen with that a lot.

Well, I guess I did end up writing a little bit, but I started to upset myself a little, and I’m having another coughing fit. I have nothing else to do, and I’m sick of playing N64, so I guess I’ll just go lie in bed.